Memory serves
by MariaVonTrapp
Summary: i hated the fact that Rufly wasn't endgame, so I decided to right my own ending. The story continues one year after the finale left of and Rufus had just lost his girlfriend Lisa. Also a bit of Derena and Chair. Please review!
1. Wrecking ball

**Please review! I love Rufly and I really want some feedback on the story!**

Rufus heart was broken. His wife had just died. It wasn't really unexpected, but it still hurt like hell. The cancer had slowly killed her the past 2 years. Her last good day was Dan's and Serena's wedding last fall. Now the funeral was over, he really felt alone. Jenny left for London yet again; Dan and Serena went to the Hamptons. Serena was due in a couple of weeks and they wanted to enjoy the last days of Indian summer. Sure Serena had asked him to tag along, but he didn't want to ruin their last holiday with just the two of them. He remembered the time he and Alison spend together just before Dan was born and it was the happiest they had ever been besides the birth of their two children. Serena was a good girl, he couldn't have asked for a better daughter-in-law. Before she left she made sure somebody would bring him food daily. She was a thoughtful young lady and she would make an excellent mother to his first grandchild.

Lily found herself before Rufus' apartment yet again. When Serena told her Lisa had died, her heart went out for Rufus. She had wanted to pay him a visit ever since. She just wanted to be there for him, but she didn't know if he even would want to see her. Sure they were friendly again, but her choosing Bart over him and him sleeping with Ivy had broken something between them. She had practically thrown herself into William's waiting arms. She always wondered what would have happened if her and Rufus tried to make it work again, but she couldn't risk getting hurt again. William was a safe choice, she knew he could never hurt her the way Rufus did, because she didn't love him the way she loved Rufus. With William she knew she could expect him cheating on her anytime, but when Rufus and Ivy were together it felt like she would die of a broken heart. When she found out Rufus had a new partner, she just stayed with William and tried to move on. Well, her relationship with William recently ended. He proposed, but she didn't want to get married again. They had a big fight over it and he practically admitted that Ivy and him had an affair. At first he just wanted to use Ivy to tear Rufus and Lily apart, but they had been sneaking around for years now. Strangely, Lily wasn't really hurt by his confession, she was just ashamed and wondered what people would think. She didn't care, she couldn't care anymore. She calmly packed her stuff and had been living in Chucks old penthouse in the Empire ever since.

Rufus decided to go out for a walk, maybe even visiting Lisa's grave. He put on his favourite grey coat. He remembered his ex-wife Lily hating the coat. He wouldn't allow him to go out in it. But that was his Lily, well not his, William's. When he first started dating Lisa, he loved that her and Lily were very alike. Than after he heard that Lily and William were back together, he just stayed with Lisa. Their relationship wasn't really like the one he shared with Lily, but she was the love of his life. He shared a great relationship with Lisa too, but he soon realised they were just friends depending on each other to fulfil their physical needs from time to time. He had wanted to break up with her, but she got diagnosed with cancer and he couldn't leave his sick girlfriend, which would make him a monster. He always wondered what it would be like if he had tried to make things work with Lily again. He knew when she chose Bart and later William over him, she was building walls. When they were together her walls seemed to tumble down and Lily hated to be weak. He hurt her by not choosing her side in her fight with Ivy and later even sleeping with her. He knew Lily wouldn't open herself up for him anymore, she would shield herself with bastards and wrong guys just like she did after they first broke up.

Lily had come to Rufus apartment for the past 5 days to bring him diner. She could imagine he wasn't in the mood for cooking after his girlfriend died and she didn't want him to starve. She had brought him some soup and chilli. She knew how much Rufus loved chilli. He made it for her on special occasions. The one she bought could never be as good as Rufus' home made, but it was the thought that counted. She was in her hall, thinking about going up and visit Rufus herself, but something stopped her. Part of her wanted to see for herself that he was alright, but another part didn't. She thought seeing Rufus would make her feel things she didn't want to feel. She was just asking the guard if he could bring the food to Rufus when he said:

"Well, miss, why don't you give it to him yourself, he's right here now'.

When she turned, she stood face to face with Rufus.

"Lil, what are you doing here", he said. She was the last person he expected to show up. She felt butterflies when he used her old nickname. Nobody had called her Lil in years.

"I was just bringing you something to eat. You're probably not in the mood to cook now. I'm sorry about Lisa, you must really miss her. I wanted to come and pay you my condolences but I didn't know if you wanted me to. But here, take this food, sorry to bother you", she babbled while giving him the soup and chilli. She gave him half a smile and turned to leave.

"She must really care for you, she brought you food every day for the past week but didn't want to come up and she didn't want to say her name", the concierge said.

When he heard that, his heart fluttered. It was Lily who brought him food and took care of him. After all this time, she still cared for him. Leaving the food on the front desk, he stormed outside.

"Lily", he shouted, "Lil".

When she heard him calling after her, she turned around. She couldn't let him cause a scene, the polite thing to do was to talk with him. At least that was what she tried to convince herself of. She really wanted to talk with him.

"Lil", there it was again, her nickname, "thank you for the food, I really appreciate it, all of it"

She didn't only love the nickname, but the way he said it, as if he was gently caressing her. She was only fooling herself, he was mourning, he only used her nickname for old time sake.

"Why don't you come up", he asked.

"I don't want to interrupt", she answered him quickly, but there was nothing she would rather do than coming up.

"Since when, Van der Woodsen", he said smiling, "besides, I'd love the company".

She gave him a beautiful smile and decided to come with him. He'd love to spend time with her and she'd love to spend time with him. When they entered the building, he took the food she brought him and they went upstairs.

"You have a beautiful apartment", Lily said, "totally different than your Brooklyn loft".

"It was all Lisa", he answered all of a sudden looking said, "I would imagine you liking it. It's on the right side of the city".

"Come on, Rufus, you know I loved your loft. We have some wonderful memories there", she said genuinely.

Rufus smiled at her, they indeed had made some wonderful memories in his old place.

"So, what did you bring me this time?", he asked.

"I figured you might want some chilli, I know how much you love it", she answered, "it's not home made, but it's from the Thai at the Empire you love, so it's the next best thing I guess".

He loved that she knew him so well. "Well, I know his portions are enough for the two of us, so make yourself at home and I'll get us some plates".

During lunch, they talked like old friends. She mostly let him do the talking. He was happy he had someone to talk to about Lisa. At some point he even let himself sob in her arms. She just let him sob for as long as he needed to. Her heart went out to him. She hated to see a loved one so broken. When he was done sobbing, he asked her how she had been.

"Well I've been alright, busy going to events and stuff", there she was again, building walls around her.

"I've really missed you, you know", Rufus said.

"I've missed you too", she admitted blushing.

All of a sudden a beautiful blue guitar caught her eye.

"Is that…?", she said smiling.

"Yes, Lil, it is. It's the guitar you gave me for our wedding anniversary", he said.

He couldn't believe she remembered the guitar.

"You kept it!", she said.

"Of course, I loved the guitar and you gave it to me. I have to admit, I haven't played it since", he stated, "come on, let me play you something".

He took the guitar and started to play a familiar tune. It was Rosewood, the song he once wrote for her.

He was in her eyes she remembered the song.

"Well after we broke up, I wrote another strofe", Rufus said, before he started to sing again".

"_There's a little rosewood casket _

_Resting on a marble stand _

_With a packet of old love letters _

_Written by my true love's hand _

_Go and bring them to me, sister _

_Read them o'er for me tonight _

_I have often tried by could not _

_For the tears that filled my eyes"_

When Lily heard the lyrics, she started to tear up. When Rufus finished the song, she got her coat and said:

"I have to go."

Rufus saw how upset she was and he didn't want her to go out on her own.

"Wait, Lil", he said kindly, "Let me walk you home".

"The Empire is not that far", she said before leaving his apartment.

He knew better than to go after her. If Lily wanted to be alone, it was best to just leave her alone. He wondered why she referred to the Empire as home. He decided to call her later and asked if she was ok. He knew that something was bothering her and he cared for her, so he wanted to make it all right.

Outside Rufus apartment Lily broke down. For the first time in years, she allowed herself to cry. She cried over losing Rufus, the love of her life and being humiliated by William yet again. She needed Rufus. She realised she wanted nothing more than to be with him again, but she couldn't go after him, his girlfriend just died. She couldn't be the Ice Queen of the Upper East Side anymore, she wanted to allow herself to finally be happy again, to finally give herself a real partner again. For the first time in years Lily felt helpless and Rufus was the cause of it again.


	2. Pace is the trick

Chapter 2: Pace is the trick

**I really want to thank all of you for your lovely reviews. I was really sad when Lily and Rufus didn't end up together, it's not fair! I used to love Derena, but not if that means Rufly can't be together.**

A month has passed since Rufus had seen Lily. He had hoped they could spend some time together. It felt good having her back in his life, even if they were just friends. Deep down, he knew he loved her, but she was with William and quit frankly he wasn't ready for another relationship so soon after Lisa. He felt guilty, ever since Lily came to visit him and he found out she was the one to bring him food after Serena and Dan left for the Hamptons. She must care for him somehow, he figured. He was sure he saw her crying when he played Rosewood for her. He was worried. It wasn't like Lily to break down in front of other people. Of course she did break down in front of him, but they were married then. William was the one who got to comfort her now. He still wondered why she referred to the Empire as home. She was probably just renovating her flat and lived in the hotel till the works were over. He had try to call her and require after her, but she didn't answer her phone, he figured she was really busy with William or her charities.

Dan and Serena were at the Empire. Lily had invited them for lunch. Of course they both knew Lily and William had broke up, but she had made them promise not to say a word to anyone. She wasn't ready for the world to know yet another relationship of hers had gone wrong.

'Mom, are you ok?', Serena said.

Lily didn't want the kids to worry about her. 'Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm living in this amazing penthouse and I have people to clean up after me and bring me food all the time, what could I want more', she muttered.

Lily was yet again putting up her ice queen face. Serena had seen it numerous times and she used to believe her mom, but after seeing her truly happy with Rufus, she knew it was just a façade.

'And you expect me to believe that, mom, seriously', Serena said. She was really worried about her mom this time, she seemed so sad and alone.

Lily genuinely smiled at her daughter.

'Serena, honey, please don't worry about me and focus on that precious little baby that's about to come to this world', Lily said while turning to Dan, 'And Daniel, how's your dad holding up?'

She knew Dan would thing nothing of her requiring after Rufus, she had done the same ever since she found out Lisa died.

'I don't know if he's putting of a brave face, but ever since we've got back from the Hamptons he seems better', Dan said not knowing what his words would mean to Lily, 'Maybe you should visit him sometime, he'd appreciate that'.

'Maybe, I will', Lily answered.

She couldn't help herself but smile a little bit. Maybe she helped him get bet better by visiting, maybe she should go and see him again sometime. She was afraid what she might feel when she saw Rufus again. She never stopped loving him, not even for a minute, but when she visited him, she found herself falling in love with him all over again. These Humphrey men seemed to always put the Rhodes girls under some kind of spell.

Another week had passed when Rufus still hadn't heard from Lily. When he received a text, he hoped it would be her. It was his son who texted him instead.

"_S is in labour, brought her to the hospital_".

Rufus smiled, his first grandchild was about to be born. He wished Lisa had lived to see this really miracle. When Dan and Serena told them they would become grandparents, it had given Lisa a boost. She wanted to live long enough to meet the little one. Unfortunately the cancer was stronger than Lisa was. Than again, she wouldn't become a grandparent. He and Lily would. At least he was going to see Lily now. Unfortunately that also meant he would see William. He still wanted to kick his ass, even after all this years. It was his fault him and Lily broke up. Of course they had some issues, but they would have solved them if he weren't around. Rufus didn't allow himself to think about it any longer and hurried to the hospital. His son could use his support.

"Serena, darling", Dan whispered, "Everything will be fine, we're going to be parents".

He couldn't help but smile. He had been looking forward to this day ever since Serena told him she was pregnant. Serena smiled back at him. She was in pain, but she was just as thrilled as Dan was.

"Our dads are on their way", Dan continued.

Serena was having another contraction. Dan just held her hand to show her he was there for her. When the contraction was over, she continued the conversation.

"What about my mom?", she asked her husband.

"I couldn't reach her, but I left her a dozen messages", Dan answered, "I'm sure she's just busy shopping and forgot her phone at the hotel"

"I'm just worried about her", Serena said, "And I really need her with me".

Rufus was already waiting for news at the hospital when William arrived. Of course he made a grand entrance. He bribed some nurses to give him more information on Serena. Finally he joined Rufus in the waiting room. Rufus wanted to make some kind of sarcastic remark but decided against it. Today wasn't about them fighting but about Dan and Serena bringing a little baby into the world.

"How is she?", Rufus simply asked.

William smiled, if Rufus could be civil, he could too.

"She's not fully dilated yet", William answered, "it could be a while".

Rufus nodded.

"So, where is the grandmother to be", Rufus asked, "Looking for baby stuff in the gift shop or did they have to sedate her because she just realised she will be a grandmother soon?"

"I wouldn't know", William said calmly, "I haven't seen her in nearly 2 months"

Rufus was surprised hearing this. When William noticed Rufus didn't know about the break-up, he continued:

"Looks like the little bitch ditched us both. I should have known better than to trust a Rhodes girl again and face it, Lily probably found someone with more money than me and dumped me, just like she dumped you to be with me. Should've known better than to trust that slut".

Williams words infuriated Rufus. Nobody calls his Lil a slut.

"She's not a slut, you're probably the one who screwed her over yet again, just like you did with Ivy. You never talk to her that way, because I swear to got I'll…"

Rufus couldn't finish that thought, because Dan came out of Serena's room.

"How is she?", Rufus said while his expression softened.

Dan was too worried about Serena to notice what was going on between his father-in-law and his dad.

"She's panicking; she really wants to see her mother. I came to see if Lily was here by now, she isn't answering her phone."

"I'll go and look for her", William proposed.

"You go no where near her. I'll go", Rufus said.

Dan smiled at him thankfully.

"She lives in…", Dan said before his father interrupted him.

"I know. I'll get her, son. You go and focus on your wife", Rufus said.

He hurried to the Empire. Knocking on Lily's door, she didn't answer. He tried to call her and he could here her phone ring inside the suit. Luckily Chuck was around and he ordered one of the doormen to open the penthouse. When Rufus entered, he noticed the place was a mess. This was nothing like Lily. He really was worried now. She was nowhere to be seen in the living room. He decided to check the bedroom to before he left. Maybe William was right and maybe she was with another men. When he opened the bedroom, he saw Lily lying on the bed. She wasn't wearing any make up and she looked very pale. When he moved closer, he saw the pills on the nightstand. She must be having her migraine again.

"Lily", Rufus said while rubbing her cheek gently, "Wake up"

She stirred but didn't wake up.

"Come on, Lil", he said, "you have to wake up"?

"Rufus", she uttered while taking his hand with hers, "I love you".

She wasn't awake yet, she didn't realise what she just said. Her words made Rufus' heart flutter. Even after all this time, she still loved him and she still recognised his voice even when she was sleeping. He knew right then and there that he loved this woman with all his heart. He gently kissed her forehead.

Finally her eyes fluttered open.

"Rufus, what are you doing here", she said astonished to see him by her bed.

"Are you ok?", he said worried, "Did you have migraine again?"

She simply nodded, "You haven't answered my question, what are you doing here?"

She seemed to be annoyed by his presence, but Rufus now knew that was just a façade. He knew he was in her heart, but this was not the time nor place to discuss that.

"Serena is in labour and she wants to see you. Dan tried to reach you, but you didn't answer your phone, so I came here to find you", he answered.

"Oh my god, I'm going to be a grandmother", she said happily.

After she took a shower, Rufus brought her to the hospital. Without one glare at William she entered her daughters room.

"Honey", she said while taking Serena's hand, "I'm so proud of you. I always have and I'll always be. You're the most amazing daughter a woman could ask for and I know your baby will be just as amazing because she has the best parents in the world".

Both women were in tears.

"I'm scared, mom", Serena admitted.

"That's natural, but Dan's here, I'm here, Rufus is here, we all love you, sweetheart and you're going to be an amazing mom", Lily comforted her daughter.

She remembered when she was in labour for the first time. She was all alone in France and she kept screaming she wanted Rufus, but he never came, he didn't even know she was pregnant. After the little talk she had with Serena, she took place in the waiting room. She sat down next to Rufus, still avoiding William's eyes. Rufus took her hand in his and gently stroke it with his thumb. He must've felled her distress. She wasn't surprised, Rufus always could tell what was going on with her. He was a great friend. He could never know he still meant the world to her. I've he'd asked she would be his.

An hour later, Dan entered the waiting room. He was beyond happiness.

"It's a boy. Michael Rufus Humphrey", he said proudly, "Do you want to meet your grandson?"

The proud grandparents didn't need to be asked twice.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so proud of you", Lily cried while kissing Serena's cheek.

"Do you want to hold him", Serena asked her mother.

"Sure", she answered while taking the baby from her daughters arms.

She couldn't help but cry even more: "He's wonderful, he's perfect".

Rufus was endeared by seeing Lily with their grandchild. He sensed that Lily not only cried happy tears, but something really was bothering her, she looked even lonelier than she had when he found her at the Empire.

After both grandfathers had held their grandchildren, they decided to give the pair some time with their newborn. William took of quickly, sensing he wasn't really welcome. When Lily and Rufus stood outside of the hospital, they both weren't ready to go home.

"How about I make you some diner", Rufus proposed.

"I don't want to be a burden", Lily said cursing herself for not admitting she really wanted to go with him.

"Since when, Van der Woodsen", he said giving her his typical grin, "besides, I could really use the company".

While making diner, he decided to ask her about William.

"So, William told me you guys broke up", he just said.

"Yes!", Lily answered, "He wanted to get married but I just couldn't and than he admitted he had an affaire with Ivy for years".

"I'm sorry", Rufus said while squeezing her hand, "That must have hurt".

"Not really", she answered truthfully, "I knew I could expect something like that from him".

He sensed she didn't really want to talk about him anymore. While serving the Bolognese he changed subject to their grandson.

"He's beautiful, isn't he", Rufus said, "Just a perfect little men. I can't describe how proud I am of our kids".

All of a sudden Lily burst in to tears. Rufus took her in her arms and let her sob for as long as he needed to. When she calmed down, she started to speak:

"I'm sorry, Rufus, you must think me mad".

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I'm here for you", he said while holding her tight.

"It's just, he looks so much like Scott did", she said, "He was perfect, our little baby and seeing you with little Michael reminded me of what we didn't have because I wasn't brave enough".

Lily started to cry again. It was the first time she ever spoke about Scott's birth. Even if it was long overdue, she was finally opening up to him.

"Shh, Lil, don't cry, you were young, I don't blame you", he said while gently kissing the back of her hand.

When she finally calmed down, she asked him to sing for her. Rufus decided to play one of the songs he had written for her after she chose Bart over him. She was always his muse and in the 20 years they hadn't seen each other, he wasn't able to finish one song, but when she came back in his life it felt like she burst like the music of angels. She truly was his inspiration.

"_Lily, my one and only_

_Love is in my heart and in your eyes_

_Will she or won't she want him_

_No one knows for sure_

_But an officer is knocking at my door_

_And thru her window shade_

_I watch her shadow move_

_I wonder if she could only see me?_

_And when I'm with her I feel fine_

_If I could kiss her I wouldn't mind the time it took to find_

_My lily, my one and only_

_I can hardly wait till I see her_

_Oh lily, I know you love me_

_Cause as they're draggin me away_

_I swear I saw her raise her hand and wave (goodbye)"_

Lily was very touched by the song. She was honored he had written that many songs about her as proof of his love. Even if this one was sad, he still had been thinking about her, just like he was in her heart all the time. After he finished the song, he walked her home to the Empire. When they arrived, she said blushing:

"I'm sorry, Rufus. I shouldn't have chosen, Bart, I should have fought for our marriage"

"Lil", he said, "I.."

"Rufus, it's ok, you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to thank you for the lovely night and the song. It's really beautiful. I'm honored. Lincoln Hawk should bring out another CD", she interrupted him.

"Only if you would be our groupie again", Rufus teased her.

"You know I'll always be your number one fan", she said sincerely, "but I'm not going in another tour bus again. Goodnight, Rufus"

"Good night, Lil", he answered while leaning in.

He had wanted to kiss her cheek, bus as by instinct he kissed her lips. The kiss was short and sweet. Lily entered the building smiling at Rufus. Rufus smiled right back at her. They both were happier than they were in years. Serena and Dan just gave them a wonderful grandson and there was hope that someday they would find a way to each other again too.


	3. Pioneer to the Falls

Chapter 3:

I'd really appreciate some reviews.

Rufus couldn't believe he kissed Lily and she kissed him back. It was short, but she seemed to be very happy. He was happy too, but Lisa only passed away a couple of months ago. He had to take things slow. He felt like he had only one chance left with Lily and he didn't want to ruin it. For the first time in years Rufus picked up his guitar to write a new song. The kiss was the oxygen he needed badly. Lily gave his words the wings they needed to become lyrics. She was the inspiration for every key he played.

_It would be so nice to take you_

_I only ever try to make you smile_

_No matter what we're gonna keep you occupied_

_But only at your place_

_Only at your place_

_Tonight a special memory serves me _

_And I'll wait to find the wrong way_

_Tonight a special memory serves me _

_And I'll wait to find _

_It's over_

_It's over_

_What does it feel like, it feels like_

_It's over_

_Why is it so hard to stay away?_

_Tonight a special memory serves me _

_And I'll wait to find that I'm gray_

_Tonight is special_

_I only memorize those things I deny_

_And I forget why it'll sing_

_Seize the day_

_You don't have to say that you'd love to_

_But baby please, that you'd want to_

_Someday_1

Days went by and neither had contacted the other. They both thought the other regretted the kiss and they didn't want to hasten things. Ten days after the kiss, they both found themselves at MOMA. They shared a favourite painting and every once and a while they went to the museum just to see their favourite Van Gogh. When they were married it was their routine to go to the museum the first Sunday of every month and go to brunch afterwards. Lily was already sitting in front of Starry nights when Rufus entered the hall. The painting reminded him of the wonderful nights they had spent when they were very young.

_Rufus and Lily lie on a blanket, just watching the stars. Rufus couldn't believe his luck. He was in love with the young photojournalist for months now, but she was to busy with her boyfriend Trent to even notice him. She was stunning. She had the most beautiful smile, her eyes seemed to always light up the room, he loved the way her long blonde hair curled and her witty, yet sarcastic remarks. He was totally smitten. Her and Trent broke up a few days ago and he had comforted her afterwards and she had agreed to go out on a date with her. He was randomly pointing her some constellations and she seemed happy just lying in his arms. _

"_I think we should make a wish", Lily said happily. _

"_My wish was already granted, having you with me", Rufus said. He couldn't believe he actually told her that. He wanted to play it cool. She liked guys like Trent, not romantic fools like himself._

"_Oh really?", she said while smiling wickedly at him and then she kissed him. _

_He was surprised when he felt her lips on his, but deepened the kiss. He felt like the luckiest guy on earth. When they broke the kiss, both remained silent, but they knew it was the beginning of something great. _

Rufus immediately spotted Lily and sat down beside her.

"Feeling a little nostalgic, Lil?", Rufus asked.

Lily was startled, but smiled when she saw Rufus.

"I guess", she smiled at him, "I see I'm not the only one".

Lily was thinking about the night she went to visit Rufus at his gallery in Brooklyn. She just found out Bart had betrayed her with some young Asian girl and being with Rufus was as comforting as a warm blanket for her. He showed her an installation that projected stars to the ceiling. They were lying body to body, both thinking about that wonderful night when they first kissed. Neither one dared to brake the silent or even look at the other, because they both knew that they would lose control right there and then and they weren't ready to cross that line yet.

After they sat down for a while, Rufus started to talk again.

"Care to join me for breakfast?", he said, "for old time sake?".

Lily couldn't possibly say no to that and they went to the small coffee shop they used to frequent.

"A cappuccino and Americano with an extra shot", he said while looking at Lily for confirmation.

Lily was astonished he still remembered how she drank her coffee. He ordered them both a blueberry muffin and they as by instinct they went to their regular table at the back. Both smiled, when they found themselves at the same spot again. It almost felt like time stood still since they last came here together.

"Still living at the Empire?", Rufus inquired.

Lily nodded: "I know it's not ideal, but I'm not ready to find another apartment yet. William told me I could keep our old apartment but I don't want to have anything from him".

Rufus smiled, that was his Lily, stubborn, independent and yet sensitive.

"I know what you mean. I'm thinking of selling my place. I can't stand all the memories and I still have my Brooklyn loft. I was happy there. I only was happier when we…", he didn't finish that sentence, he didn't want to upset her.

"We were pretty happy, weren't we", Lily said dreamily.

"Yes we were", he answered while taking her hand in his, "The happiest I've ever been".

After breakfast they went for a stroll in the park. While they were walking, they were talking about all kinds of stuff, but mostly about their grandson. Serena and Dan brought little Michael home and they were the perfect little family.

"Does he really look like Scott that much?", Rufus asked.

"Yes, he does", she answered him while sitting down on a bench.

"Tell me about Scott", Rufus said. He didn't want to pressure her, but he really would like to know what happened.

Lily was finally ready to talk about that, she owed Rufus that much: "One night after I came home from one of your concerts, my mom made my choose between my inherence and you. I was madly in love with you and didn't even think twice. I run away, to your flat. I knew you kept a spare key under the doormat and I wanted to surprise you. When I entered your living room I saw women's clothes lying all over the floor. I was shocked. I even saw a bra on the floor".

By now Lily was sobbing, she didn't care if she was in the park, she just needed to let it all out. Rufus didn't like were this story was going but he let her continue:

"I entered your room and I saw a tall blonde sitting on top of you. Later I figured that must have been Allison. I ran as fast as I could to my mothers, I apologised saying I made a mistake, wrote you a letter to say goodbye and just wanted life to go on. But it didn't. I was really sick after our break-up. At first I thought it was my emotional distress taking a toll on my body, but when I kept throwing up, my mother sent me to the doctor and I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't abort our baby, it was the last thing I had left from you. My mother shipped me off to France with only a lady maid. She never called to check up and I felt really alone. I figured I couldn't call you, because you had a girlfriend and I didn't want to complicate that. I didn't want you to stay with me out of obligation, because even then, Rufus, I knew you were that kind of guy. I was scared that I couldn't do this alone and decided to give our baby up for adoption. That way I couldn't screw the kid up like my mom did with Carol and me. I'm so sorry, Rufus, I should've called you, you had the right to know. I'm so sorry".

Rufus pulled Lily close. He couldn't help but cry when he heard her story.

"I forgave you a long time ago, Lil", he said looking in her eyes, "I'm the one who's sorry you had to go trough all this alone. I would've stayed with you, that's true, but not out of obligation, but because I loved you. That night after the concert I was driving to my grandmothers house to ask her for the engagement ring my grandfather gave to her. She had wanted you to have it, she really loved you, you know?"

"But at your apartment?", Lily asked in tears.

"My sister was staying with me at the time, that's probably what you saw. Allison and I got together a year after you left me that note", he answered truly.

Both were sad that they had lost each other over a misunderstanding; but at the same time they were thankful too. If they had stayed together, Serena, Eric, Jenny and Dan wouldn't been born, they wouldn't have had a wonderful grandson. After he whipped away his own tears, he took Lily's face in his hands and brought her lips to her cheeks. He kissed away all her tears while gently rubbing circles on her back. After they both calmed down, they continued their walk. They were happy they talked this trough. The past was over, but the future was waiting. While walking, Lily felt Rufus hand brushing her own. She didn't know what to do, but when she felt his hand close to hers again, she took it and they walked hand in hand back home. Lily suddenly had an idea. Thanksgiving was coming and wanted to create a perfect Thanksgiving for Rufus, just like the once they had spend as a family before the world seemed to tumble down on them.

1 This story is named after "Memory Serves" a song by Interpol, my favorite band. I think the lyric is perfect for Rufus and Lily and I really wanted to use the song in my story. You can check the song on YouTube.


	4. I feel like love is in the kitchen

Chapter 4: A Time to be so small

**Please review. Only 2 chapters left after this one!**

It was the week before Thanksgiving. Lily and Rufus had seen each other frequently and they called every night. It was perfect, the chef from the Plaza taught her how to stuff turkey and make side dishes. Just yesterday, she made the menu she would make her guest for Thanksgiving. Their children didn't know they were friendly yet, but she could always tell Dan to invite his dad, since the rest of the family would be there. They didn't need to know that she did all this effort to surprise Rufus. She was looking forward to seeing Rufus again tonight. They were both invited to Dan's book party. He was quit successful at the moment and his recent book just became number one on the Bestseller list. She had picked out a beautiful Nanette Lepore dress and some matching Louboutins and the earrings Rufus gave her on their anniversary. She was debating asking Rufus to lunch, but Serena called to ask her if she could babysit Michael for the afternoon. She didn't lose all the pregnancy weight just yet and she still had to find an outfit for Dan's party.

"Thanks mom', Serena said while kissing her baby on his head, "I'll be back in a couple of hours".

"It's my pleasure", Lily said, "I love this little guy".

She took the baby in her arms and smiled at him.

"We are going to visit granddaddy today, aren't we?" she said while keeping her eyes on little Michael.

"I didn't know you and dad were on speaking terms again?", Serena asked.

"We aren't. I was talking about Rufus", Lily admitted thinking that wasn't that bad, "I want to invite him to spend Thanksgiving with us since all his children will be here".

"That's actually a wonderful idea, mom", Serena said while hugging her mother, "I think you both need a friend right now".

Lily smiled at her daughter. She was asking herself how Serena got so mature.

"Honey, what would you think if Rufus and I were to become more than just friends?", Lily asked, "I've been thinking about him a lot lately and well nothing happened and nothing will if you don't want it to. I do understand he's your husband's father".

Serena sat down besides her mother and took her hand while looking at her own son in her mother's arms.

"Does Rufus know how you feel", Serena asked.

"I haven't really talked to him about my feelings, his wife just died, maybe in time", Lily said, "but this time I wanted to talk to you first before just dropping a bomb on you and Dan".

Serena looked at her baby boy and then smiled at her mother: "Mom, honestly, ever since Rufus and you broke up, you haven't been happy. You always seemed lonely somehow. I get that he's the love of your life and Dan understands to. We want the both of you to be happy, just like we are. I couldn't live without Dan and you shouldn't live without Rufus. Dan and I will be fine. Ever since I had this little boy, I understand what you sacrificed for Eric and me all this years. I think it's time for you to be happy and you being with Rufus won't change anything between Dan and me, maybe it will even inspire him for another novel".

Lily smiled and hugged her daughter.

"You're truly a remarkable woman, you know that. I'm so proud of you and I love you very much', Lily said close to tears.

"Thanks, mom, I love you too", Serena answered while taking of, "have fun with my little man".

===========================RUFLY===================================

After she fed Michael, Lily made sure he was well bundled before she left to see Rufus. During the small walk, she ran into Chuck and made sure he and his family would come to the Thanksgiving diner she was planning. She was really proud of Chuck and Blair, they were both successful in their jobs and managed to spend enough time with their son Henry and their twin girls.

When she arrived at Rufus' place, the doorman couldn't help but ask if she wanted to leave food.

"I'll go up myself this time", Lily laughed.

When she knocked on his door, Rufus answered almost immediately.

"Lil, what are you doing here", Rufus said while flashing his signature grin, "and you brought our little men".

Lily smiled right back at him. She loved his smile and the way his eyes lit up when he said her name. Even after all this time, he still did that.

"Well", she said while entering his flat, "Michael and I want to invite you for Thanksgiving at his grandmothers' place"

"And why can't Alison ask me herself", he said. He just loved to tease her.

"Very funny, Rufus", she said sarcastically, "but we really want you to come. I really want you to come".

"Well that sounds like an offer I can't refuse. Are you sure you aren't just inviting me to cook, because if I remember well you almost burned the kitchen down when you tried to toast some bagels", he smiled.

"Humphrey, don't make me regret the invitation", she said equally playful, "I might surprise you one way or another"

===============================Rufly=================================

Rufus was a proud father and grandfather. He just spent the afternoon with his grandson and now he was invited to a party for his son's new book. As usual he turned up early for the party, but he knew his son would be there too and he wanted to discuss something with Dan. When he entered the bookshop, he knew he was right. Dan was walking nervously from one side to another.

"Hey, Dan", Rufus said while hugging his son, "Nervous? Even after all this time?"

"I'm afraid so, Dad", Dan answered, "And Serena is running late. She apparently couldn't find a decent dress".

"Michael is still with Lily?", Rufus asked curiously. His son and his daughter-in-law wouldn't take a small baby to the party.

"Yes, she offered to babysit him", Dan answered, "Wait! How do you know Michael was with Lily earlier?"

"Well she came to my place to invite me for her Thanksgiving diner", Rufus answered. Dan was to find out sooner our later that him and Lily were friendly again.

"That's very nice of her. I hope you'll come. You shouldn't spend Thanksgiving alone", Dan said sensing his father wasn't telling him everything.

"You don't mind me and Lily being friendly again?", Rufus asked. He knew Dan and Serena had a problem with him and Lily before. Now Serena and Dan were married, it would be even weirder if Lily and him became a thing again.

"No, I'm actually pleased. You've both been lonely lately and it's great you guys are friends again", Dan said, "Wait you mean friendly friendly, like couple friendly".

It pleased Rufus that his son wasn't changed by his success and could be socially awkward at times.

"Maybe. Nothing really happened, but well I wouldn't mind if it did", Rufus admitted, "that is, if Serena and you don't mind".

"It might be a little weird, but I think I can speak for both Serena and me, we just want are parents to be happy and we both know that you guys were the happiest when you were together. We're all adults and we won't stand in your way", Dan said, "We'll handle it".

"You know what, son, I'm very proud of you. You've become a fine man and a great dad", he said while hugging his son ones more.

"I've learned from the best", Dan said reciprocating his Dad's hug.

================================Rufly================================

Lily's Thanksgiving diner finally arrived. She was really nervous about the whole thing. She had worked very hard to make the perfect meal and she hoped everything would go smoothly. Eric, who arrived yesterday with his boyfriend Nicholas, was on his way to pick up Jenny for the airport, Serena, Dan, Chuck and Blair would be there in an hour and of course her surprise guest could arrive any minute. When she heard a knock on the door, she felt nervous. She hadn't seen him in quit some time and she didn't know what to expect. When she opened the door, he instantly smiled at her, a smile that reminded him so much of his father.

"Hello, mother", Scott said while hugging Lily.

Lily's heart fluttered when she heard him call her mother.

"Hello my boy", she answered with tears in her eyes, "I'm so happy to see you!".

He handed her the flowers he'd brought for her.

"These are really lovely, thank you so much", she said happily, "I see you already took care of your luggage?"

"Yes, I did. Thanks for arranging the room", he said, "Can I help you with something"

Lily showed him the way to the kitchen and after she put the flowers in a vase, she motioned for him to sit down. They could chat while she was finishing dessert.

"You know I'm really happy you're here, Scott", Lily said looking at her oldest son, "Rufus will be very happy to see you too. We've been talking about you a lot recently. Little Michael looks just like you when you were born".

"Does he? I can't wait to see the little guy in real life, Serena sent me some pictures, but that's not the same I guess", Scott answered.

Lily was surprised Serena thought about sending some pictures to Scott. Lily already felt like a family.

"How are things between Rufus and you?", Scott asked curiously, "does you surprising him means you are back together?".

"We're not, at the moment we're friends, but who knows what will happen in the future", Lily added when she saw the disappointment on her son's face.

"I can't believe you guys broke up", Scott said, "I thought you loved each other?"

"Of course we did. I made a big mistake choosing Bart over Rufus and not fighting for my marriage. I just hope he can forgive me someday", Lily answered while putting her hand on Scott's.

=================================Rufly===============================

An hour later all guest had arrived except for Rufus. Lily was nervous, she knew he loved to spend time with his family, but what if he thought it wasn't her place to arrange that?

"Lily", Jenny said, "is everything alright?"

Lily hadn't even noticed Jenny had entered the kitchen.

"Of course, honey", she said, "You're father can be here any minute. Could you take the mashed potatoes with you?"

When Jenny took the bowl out of Lily's hands, she saw Lily had put some marshmallows on top.

"You remembered?" she said touched.

"Of course I did, my darling", Lily answered, "You were my daughter for years and even now I'm not with your father anymore, I still love you".

Jenny was very touched by her words: "You know, you were a great stepmom, we might have had are difference, but I love you too. My dad will be very happy to see his whole family together".

A couple of minutes later, she heard another knock on the door. That would be Rufus. When she opened the room she saw him standing in front of her with a giant bouquet of with lilies in his hands. He kissed her on her cheek and handed her the flowers.

"I can see I'm not the only one to bring you flowers", he said while pointing at the bouquet Scott gave her.

"Like father, like son", Lily thought but she just thanked him for the flowers.

When he entered he saw Lily had invited a bunch of people. Eric even came from LA where he was living with his boyfriend. When he saw Jenny coming out of the kitchen, his smile grew even wider.

"Jenny, you're here", he said while hugging his little girl, "Of course I am, it's Thanksgiving".

He smiled thankfully at Lily. She had put a lot of effort in this dinner. She was really trying to be more motherly.

All of sudden he heard a voice from behind him: "Hey dad".

When he turned around and saw Scott, he completely lost it. He instantly hugged his son. He couldn't believe he was here and he had called him dad. This was a great day.

"What are you doing here", Rufus said not letting go of his son, "It's great to see you, buddy".

"Mom invited me", Scott admitted, "She wanted to surprise you".

Rufus's heart leaped. He couldn't believe Lily did all this to surprise him. She reunited the whole family. It felt like they were still a family even when Lily and him weren't together anymore.

Diner went by smoothly. Once again Lily surprised Rufus with her home cooked meal. This was the perfect evening. Serena and Dan who knew that something was going on between their parents, noticed the longing looks between the two of them. They were both excited to see what would happen in the future, but they knew their parents still shared a great love and it made them confident that they would be just as in love in thirty years as their parents were, minus the drama of course. Before dessert, Lily raised her glass to make a toast:

"Well I want to thank all of you tonight for joining me here for diner. We're maybe not a usual family, but I love all of you all with all my heart. Family is not about blood, it's about holding each others hand when needed, it's about sharing the good, but also the bad. Being a family means you are part of something wonderful. It means that you will love and be loved for the rest of your life, no matter what crazy things might happen. I'd love to raise my glass to my wonderful family".

"To family", everybody repeated after Lily.

It was well after midnight when everybody decided to go home. Rufus was the last one to go. After she let Eric and Nicholas out, she throw out her shoes and sat down beside Rufus. Rufus took her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I would love to thank you for tonight, Lil", he said, "It was the best Thanksgiving in my life. I'm so pleased to have spent it with you and all of the kids. It was perfect".

Lily shivered when she felt his lips on her hand. He was slowly making circles on her hand with his fingers.

"Lil, you will always be my family", Rufus said, "I know you said family isn't about blood, but Lil, you are the blood that runs through my veins, you are the air that I breath, you are my family".

Lily felt tears escape from her eyes. She couldn't do this, not now. She loved Rufus with all of her heart but what if she couldn't be the woman he needed, what if she disappointed him again? She couldn't do that.

"I think you should go", she whispered.

Rufus saw in her eyes that she was afraid and that he needed to convince her that they could be together, forever this time, but not tonight. He softly kissed her temple and said:

"I guess I see you tomorrow?".

Lily only nodded, she couldn't even bring herself to smile at him.

===============================Rufly=================================

The next morning they both agreed to meet Scott for lunch. He had to leave early in the afternoon but he wanted to spend time with both his parents. Lily had arranged a small brunch at her place.

Sipping from her coffee, Lily said: "You're sure you can't stay a little bit longer?".

"Yes", Scott said while eating a croissant, "I promised Izzy to be home tonight to have a late Thanksgiving party".

Of course Scott had mentioned his girlfriend in mails to his parents, but they didn't know if things were serious.

"You could've brought her with you", Lily said, "I'd love to meet her".

"I know, mom", Scot replied, "but Izzy wanted to stay with her mother. Her dad died a year ago and she didn't want her mom to be alone and since I really wanted to spend time with you guys, I decided to come alone".

"Tell me about her", Rufus asked.

"Isabella, Izzy for short, is amazing. She's beautiful, she has auburn hair, dark brown eyes and the sweetest smile you've ever seen", Scott started, "And she hates her freckles but I adore them. She's a teacher and all the kids love her. She's really passionate and she loves photography. She's the best".

"Photography, hey", Rufus said smiling at Lily, "that sounds like someone else I know".

"She sounds amazing. I'd really love to meet her some time", Lily said.

"Well, you're both more than welcome to visit. I'd love to introduce you", Scott said.

All too soon it was time for Scott to leave. Both Lily and Rufus were sad to see their son go again, but now that they found him, they knew it wouldn't be for long. Li

===================================Rufly=============================

Two weeks went by without any contact between Rufus and Lily. At Thanksgiving she made it clear she needed some time and space. He missed her. He was thinking about apologising to her for blurting out how he felt about her, but he wasn't really sorry, he couldn't be sorry for being in love with her all over again. He missed her in his life, even if they could only be friends. Lily beat him to apologising. Exactly two weeks after Thanksgiving she called him.

"Lil", he said answering his phone.

"Rufus", she almost whispered.

For a while they both remained silent.

"Why are you calling, Lil", Rufus said deciding to break the silence.

"I wanted to apologise", Lily said, "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did".

"No, Lil, it's me who's sorry", Rufus interrupted her, "I should have known you weren't ready".

"I'm scared, Rufus", Lily admitted.

"Why?", he simply asked.

"I don't want to get hurt again and I don't want to hurt you. I've chosen another man twice because I was afraid of what might happen between the two of us. I miss you, Rufus", she said sobbing.

"I miss you too. My darling, please don't cry! Let's just be friends for now and see how things go, alright? I don't want to pressure you", Rufus said.

"Thank you, Rufus", he could hear her relieve.

"Lil, why don't we just take a trip to see where things go. Let's go visit Scott and Izzy in Chicago?", Rufus proposed, "we can talk about us and see our son".

To his surprise, Lily agreed. He know she was scared, but so was he. He loved her so much that it was worth the risk. He decided to try with all his power to make this trip perfect for her, just like she made Thanksgiving perfect for him.


	5. Slow hands

**Sorry for the delay, I had my finals and with all the studying I was too tired to write. Please Review! I really appreciate it! **

On the way to Boston Rufus had contacted Scott and he was thrilled seeing his parents again that soon. Rufus had also booked two rooms in a hotel for him and Lily. When he picked her up at the Empire, he was surprised she packed light. Lily was the type of woman that never packed light. He decided against making a remark, he was happy she was going with him. He greeted her with a peck on the cheek. She only smiled. They didn't need words, Lily and Rufus both tried to pick up Lily's back at the same time and when their hands touched, they bolt felt a jolt of electricity. They took a cab to Grand Central and after they bought the tickets, they went to the platform.

"Lil, are you alright", Rufus said breaking the silence.

She only nodded. He decided to let it go for now. This weekend they would have more than time enough to talk. He knew that if he forced her now, she would run and he needed this, he needed his weekend with her.

When the train arrived, Lily said down besides Rufus.

"I'm tired", she said quietly. It was barely a whisper.

"Shh, my darling", Rufus said, "why don't you try and sleep for a while".

Lily smiled and curled up against him. Suddenly he felt something hot and wet on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Rufus", she sobbed.

"Shh, Lil", he soothed her, "don't cry, everything is going to be alright".

=============================LR=====================================

When they arrived in Boston, Scott was waiting for them at the station. He was very happy to see his parents again. When Lily saw Scott she beamed. All the sadness seemed to be gone.

"Hey mom", Scott said while hugging Lily, "I'm so happy to see you".

"Good to see you, buddy", Rufus said while hugging his son.

Scott brought them to the hotel. Both Lily and Rufus wanted to freshen up before going to diner with Scott and his girlfriend. Scott promised to pick them up later.

Lily immediately recognised the hotel. When she and Rufus went looking for their son, they also stayed here. She felt a little nostalgic. At the time she thought that that night was the beginning of the rest of her life with Rufus. That turned out very different. She smiled at Rufus.

When Rufus saw Lily's smile, he knew she remembered. At the time he was so angry with Lily but their love overcame all his anger. He really thought that he would spend the rest of his days with Lily. He couldn't imagine kissing anyone but her, making love to anyone but her. But those days were long gone.

"Hello, I called for two rooms for Rufus Humphrey and Lily Rhodes", he said to the receptionist.

He had used her maiden name, because he knew that she didn't want to hear the Van der Woodsen name ever again after what that bastard did to her.

Lily was a little bit disappointed that they wouldn't share a room. She knew she was acting completely irrational, they hadn't defined what they were to each other.

Their rooms were right opposed each other. At least he wouldn't be far away. After Rufus helped Lily carry her bag inside, he went to his own room.

"See you in 40 minutes", he said awkwardly.

==============================LR====================================

After taking a shower, Lily was busy getting dressed. She had bought a red Waldorf dress and some matching Louboutins. The dress was a little bit shorter and more revealing than she was used to, but she could pull it off. After putting on some make up, she looked in the mirror. She hoped to impress Rufus tonight. When she saw what time it was, she took her black Birkin bag and hurried to the lobby. She was late. Scott and Rufus would probably be waiting for her.

When she entered the lobby, she saw immediately spotted Rufus. When he saw Lily, he grinned widely and walked towards her.

"You look amazing", Rufus said. He was impressed. She really looked sexy. The red dress showed more cleavage than most of Lily's dresses, but it was far from vulgar, she looked beautiful.

"You look amazing too", Lily said blushing, "All suited up".

Before things could become awkward, Scott entered with his girlfriend.

"Mom, dad", Scott introduced his girl, "Meet Isabella, my girlfriend, Izzy, this are my parents".

"Nice to meet you, mister Humphrey, Miss Van der Woodsen", Izzy said while shaking their hands. The girl was visibly nervous.

Rufus panicked for a minute Lily would be mad when Isabella called her Miss Van der Woodsen, but Lily smiled sweetly at the girl.

"Please, Isabella, call me Lily", she said, "nice to meet you. Scott has told us so much about you"

"Yes, and Rufus will work for me", Rufus laughed, "Let's go to the restaurant, I'm starving".

The restaurant was near, so they were walking.

"Is that a Birkin Bag", Izzy said, "wow, I've never seen one before".

"Yes, it is", Lily said.

"Wow and Louboutins", Izzy squealed. She had dreamed about having her one pair, but her job as a teacher hardly paid the rent and she was to proud to except something from Scott.

Lily smiled, she felt awkward and overdressed. She hoped Isabella wouldn't think she was an uptight Upper East Side snob. She should have known better than wearing the fancy clothes.

"You really look beautiful, Lily", Izzy said, "I'd love to photograph you".

"Scott told me you were into photography", Lily said, "I used to be a photojournalist too"

Both Rufus and Scott were happy the girls got along. At the restaurant they were still exchanging stories about photo shoots.

"You really did a mayor in photojournalism", Izzy asked while sipping from her glass of wine.

"Yes, I did", Lily said, "Actually I got in because of a picture of Rufus"

Rufus was surprised to hear it, she never told him that.

"What picture", he asked curiously. He was waiting for an angry reply. He knew Lily didn't like to talk about her past as a Lincoln Hawk groupie.

"You remember that night in Paris after I dumped Trent", Lily said.

How could he forget that night, they had shared their first kiss.

_Rufus just finished his performance. Lincoln Hawk was opening for Nine Inch Nails at their European tour. As usual Trent had flew over a couple of groupies. Rufus secretly had a crush on one of them for weeks now. He was surprised when he saw her crying against the tour bus. _

"_Lily, isn't it?", Rufus said while sitting down beside her, "Are you ok?"_

"_And who exactly are you", she answered._

"_Rufus Humphrey", he introduced himself, "I'm the singer of Lincoln Hawk"_

"_Right, I think I've seen you around", she said not willing to admit she noticed him before, "Rufus, what kind of name is that? That's a dog name or maybe a donkey"._

"_Autch", Rufus said, "I think I'm going before you can insult me even more"_

"_No, please stay", Lily said, "I'm sorry"._

_They had spent the night talking and after the concert, the whole bunch decided to go and party in Paris. They went to the Eiffel Tower and enjoyed some champagne. The Tower was beautifully Illuminated and Rufus was playing his guitar softly. Lily had snapped a picture of Rufus playing the guitar with the Eiffel Tower on the background. He didn't even realise she had taken a picture. Later it would be her favourite picture of him. Afterwards she took one of the numerous bottles of champagne Trent had ordered and sat down beside Rufus. They shared the bottle and just enjoyed each others company. _

"_Please, play me something", Lily said_

"_Lily, you know there's still a place for people like us _

_the same blood runs in every hand _

_you see its not the wings that makes the angel _

_just have to move the bats out of your head _

_for every step in any walk _

_any town of any thought _

_I'll be your guide _

_for every street of any scene _

_any place you've never been _

_I'll be your guide _

_Lily, easy as a kiss we'll find an answer _

_put all your fears back in the shade _

_don't become a ghost without no color _

_cause you're the best paint life ever made"_

_She was really touched by the song and she felt drawn to him. When their lips melted together, they both knew it was the beginning of something great._

Rufus was surprised Lily told Scott and Isabella the story. Tonight she looked more like the Lily Rhodes he first met than in all the years of their marriage. She was open, not ashamed of their crazy past, she seemed very much at ease.

===================================LR===============================

After dinner Rufus and Lily walked back to the hotel. Scott and Izzy went the opposite direction.

"She's a lovely girl", Lily said.

"Yes, she is", Rufus answered, "You guys, got along really well".

"Scott and her are a lovely couple", Lily smiled, "I'm glad to see him happy".

At the same time, she shivered. Her blazer didn't really protect her against the December cold.

Rufus took off his vest and draped it over her shoulder. She smiled thankfully at him.

When they arrived at their rooms, Lily gave Rufus back his vest.

"You know", Rufus said, "it's funny!"

"What is", Lily answered slightly confused.

"This", Rufus said, "us. Here we are, in the same hotel we were when we found Scott, and we confessed our love and really became one".

"Please don't", Lily said while fighting tears, "please try to forget it".

"Damnit, Lil, I don't want to forget that night", Rufus almost screamed.

"I don't want to talk about it", Lily said defensive.

"Why not?", Rufus asked, "Why do you always find it so damn hard to talk about the past. You did at diner. That must've been the first time in years. Why are you so ashamed of what we had?"

Lily became angry too. "Do you really think I'm ashamed. This is excruciating. Here I am again and nothing really changed. I'm not ashamed of what we have, I'm scared, scared to death that I might lose you again as my friend. The truth is we can't be friends, not while I'm still in love with you".

Rufus heart leaped when he heart her say she loved him.

"Lil", he said while walking towards her. He took her face in her hands and kissed her with everything he had and she kissed him back with all she got too. He lead them both to her room, not letting go of her.

Rufus relished in the texture of her smooth skin. He half-massaged, half-caressed her, moving slowly from her shoulders down her back. Her soft sighs told him she was enjoying his touch. When he came to her dress, Rufus leaned forward and tentatively kissed the side of her neck. In response, she softly moaned and leant back against his chest. His hands found the small zipper at the back of her dress and slowly pulled it down. Rufus gently cupped her face, raising her gaze to meet his. "So sexy…so beautiful…" was all he could say in his awe and hunger. By instinct her hands began to open the buttons of his shirt. He pressed their torsos together, and the skin-on-skin contact brought both of their desires to a new height. Rufus scooped her up and placed her on the bed. His touch, whether by his fingers or his mouth, was still magical, and she thought she might explode from the pleasure he was giving her. They found a rhythm together and moved as one, they repeated the symphony they had written in their early twenties. Pupils dilated, hearts raced, muscles contracted, skin became sheathed in sweat as it slid against each other, breath was panting and moans of pleasure came from both. They both gave in to the passion.

They collapsed, Rufus on top of Lily. She hold on to him firmly, afraid he would disappear if she would let go. In this position they stayed as their breathing and hearts became more steady.

=================================RL=================================

When Rufus woke up that morning, Lily was still sleeping in his arms. He gently kissed the top of her head. When Lily's eyes fluttered open and she saw Rufus piercing gaze, she panicked.

"Oh my god", she said, "what have we done".

She almost run to the bathroom. Rufus didn't understand what happened. Last night was amazing, he knew she had enjoyed it too.

He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Please, Lil, what's wrong", Rufus said, "Open the door"

"You have to go", Lily said firmly, "we're meeting Isabella and Scott for breakfast in an hour".

"Lil, we have to talk about this", Rufus said desperately, "please".

"No, we don't", she said, "please go".

When she heard Rufus leaving her room, she collapsed to the floor. She couldn't believe what happened tonight. Even after all those years she hadn't learned. They once again surrendered to passion. She couldn't be with Rufus. She loved him and he apparently still loved her, but she would end up hurting him all over again.

=============================RL=====================================

After breakfast Lily and Rufus had to say goodbye to Scott and Izzy. They were going back to New York this afternoon.

"Lovely to meet you, Isabella", Lily said while hugging the girl, "there is something I want you to have".

She handed Isabella the black Birkin she used last night.

"I know it isn't new, but I really want you to have it. Every girl deserves a Birkin and certainly the girl that makes my son this happy", Lily said.

When she saw the doubt on Izzy's face, she continued: "And don't even dare to say no".

Isabella accepted the purse and thanked Lily.

"I'm really glad mother likes Isabella. I know she can be critical. Serena told me about how she hated most of her boyfriends", Scott said to his father.

"Well most of Serena's boyfriends were jerks. Isabella reminds me of your mother when she was young. She's a keeper", he said hugging his son goodbye.

"Please, come and visit us in New York anytime", Lily said to her son and his girlfriend, "don't be strangers".

When Scott and Izzy left, Lily hurried to her room. She didn't want to talk to Rufus.

==================================RL================================

During the train rite back to New York, Lily kept staring outside. Rufus knew better than trying to talk to her now. He just didn't understand what happened. When they arrived back in New York, they took separate cabs. Before Lily entered hers, she finally looked up to Rufus.

"Thank you for the trip", she said while fighting back tears once again.

"Thank you", Rufus said and gone was she.

=====================================RL=============================

Weeks went by and Rufus hadn't heard from Lily. He had sent her some texts, but she didn't replied. He even invited her to celebrate Christmas Eve with him, but Serena and Dan told him, she was in the Hamptons for Christmas. He still hoped she would come, he had even bought her a gift. When she didn't show up that night he was disappointed. He loved her and he knew she loved him just as much.

"Lil, please, You don't have to be alone. I love you", he texted her.

Lily was looking at the picture of Rufus in Paris she had printed. She had wanted to give it to him for Christmas, but she couldn't go. She was afraid they would hurt each other again and she couldn't handle losing him again.

When she received his texted, she knew what she had to do.

==================================RL================================

Rufus was still asleep when he heard his doorbell. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Lily in front of him.

"I don't want to be alone", Lily said.

**Only one chapter left**


End file.
